Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
