But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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