Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
