so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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