If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I would fuck him just for his dog
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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