Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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