Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
