I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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