YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
