im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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