I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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