OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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