I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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