As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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