I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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