Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
