i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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