Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
