So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
