it's too hot outside to masturbate.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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