My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
