I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
