i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
