Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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