Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
