I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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