I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
