remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
