im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
