I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
