Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
