Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
