Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
