Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
