you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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