My Higher Power is John Stamos
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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