Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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