I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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