If that was your dad, he is hot
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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