Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
