I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
