I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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