i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You need a sexual gate keeper
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
