New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
