Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The air was thick with penises
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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