I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
