Nicole vs. Life
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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