I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
