I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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