we're blogging at a bar
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize