Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
