Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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