I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize