Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
