I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
