I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
