I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
