everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
