What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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