Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
