Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize