it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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