dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
