that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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