she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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