why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
