I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I pour the whiskey from now on
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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