I cut my penus on the lid.
I love having hate sex.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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