drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize