Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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