Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
