sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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