I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
