If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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