its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
