she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
