I think my vagina is haunted
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
