we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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