I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
