i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
