Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
