He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
