you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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