she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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