Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this boner is exhausting
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
