He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
