i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize