You can't motorboat a personality
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
