he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
