Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
