oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
