fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
