does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
