I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
