Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
