the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
