My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
