Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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