you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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