It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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