I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
