He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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