How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
