I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
