$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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