she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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