you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize