My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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