I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
