I just pynch a tree in the face
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize