i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
