i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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